Fairies eat pixie dusts

Sick

2012-01-25T20:42:00.002+08:00

okay, so I know that I could have posted about all the other events that has passed which I am supposed to but in my current state of misery, I really just wanna post about being sick.

So generally, I'm not against being sick, but i really really really just hate having the stomach issues. Look at the medicine! I have conveniently omitted out the bottle of medicine that taste just like calamine lotion.

In my misery, good bye.

On the go.

2012-01-20T13:47:00.001+08:00

This year has been going by really quickly. You know, we're three weeks into 2012 already!

Somethings have changed. I think we all just grew up a little bit more and or maybe we're all just trying to rush through holiday homework. Everywhere I go people are either studying or doing work. It's scary.

In about 2 more weeks, the J1s will be entering school. And then there'll be orientation. I won't lie I'm still feeling rather bitter about it. Guess I'll just have to let go.

I think I'll do a separate post for the events that flew by. And well, here's to a good year ahead. At least we get to celebrate new year again.

Happy lunar new year everyone!
Eat good food but don't get fat ok. :)

xx
Dee

:(

2012-01-09T21:51:00.002+08:00

Today Azwyn wrote me a letter, I read it and I cried. At the Bus stop.

I guess we just have to be strong for each other.

School is starting proper and things are just getting tougher.

How do I fight a battle I'm not even sure that I can win? That I'm not even remotely confident of winning?

Poem.

2012-01-02T19:23:00.001+08:00

Not the best poem, but it summarizes what I feel.

Fear.

Eating me up -
gnawing, chewing, biting chunks off my frame.
I'm afraid it'll never stop.
The force grows stronger, towering
over my large yet fragile structure.
Never backing down.
It feeds off my insecurities,
It feeds me
insecurities.
I beg for it to take a break, to leave me
alone -
But I begged to an empty wall.
It will not budge, it will not yield.
It just keeps growing,
larger and larger.
Please, let it all stop.
Leave me alone.

All Things Must Come To An End

2011-12-31T02:35:00.013+08:00

...be it good, or bad.

Late night post because as cliche as it might seem, it's New Year's Eve, and I think I should reflect back upon the entire year that is soon coming to an end.

I must honestly confess, this year has been nothing but tough. The transition between the All-girls school and my alma mater, KC, to this co-ed and fast paced Junior College has been

probably the most significant thing in my life.

Put yourself into my shoes, 10 straight years of being surrounded by girls, and then suddenly in the eleventh year of your education, you're placed into this remote and foreign environ

ment, with not a single similar school culture as it was previously. We never had mass, or

morning prayers, or reminding the girls that "Recess is over! Please go back to your classes now!" Oh, what is recess in JC?

Which then reminds me of probably the most exciting thing that happened since the school year begin, Orientation - Enchantus, Chapter 11.

Kaezer Orientation Group 12.

I met some of the most wonderful people here. In comparison to that current point in time and now, obviously I've lost touch with more than half of the OG. I think that is something I will always regret because I never actually took the time and energy to befriend everyone, and I just chose to befriend whoever I felt comfortable with.

I am genuinely glad that I had one of the best OGLs to guide us through, and I believe that was a contributing factor as to why I really enjoyed Orientation. The later part of it, at least. I know that was the reason why I wanted to be an OGL, because I want to welcome the new J1s just like how my OGLs were there for me and they were the greatest greatest bunch of people. As Cass likes to quote, "Your OG will always be the first friends you make in JC", and that is absolutely true.So if anyone from my OG is reading this, Thank you my best OGLs, Deryn, Limpin, Shazana, Dylan, Binglun, Jiahong, Yannis, Kai Xin, and of course Jordan. And the girls (and guys) from the OG, my favourite girl, Rebecca, and Jia xin, abi, aliah, emm, mingz, the boys, and so many others I've not spoken to, but made a difference. I thank you.

With OG comes the CG -

Cg 32/11 - one of the few class pictures we have.

Actually, at the very start of the school year, I panicked as to how are we ever going to come together as one class since the people within the class were quite diverse. However, I am glad that my worries were quite in vain. Well, let's just say that we are one of the three pure arts classes and we are part of the minority. But one thing I am absolutely grateful is that our class is kind of always on the same wavelength. I mean, I know PW brought some of us apart and like we start noticing each other's flaws and all, but for some, it did bring groups closer together, like TJ 158.

Furthermore, I actually really like being in this class, we mesh well together, kinda... and I don't know, I just really like it. We are not all that close, but we are not all that divided either, so I guess that's not too bad. But the thing I am most, most, most thankful for is meeting the girls. (like I said, 10 years in a girls school)

The girls, Azwyn, Jiamin, Mingminz and Sharmaine are probably the craziest girls. Not in the party way, but in a really comforting way.

Let me show you an example:

Even before our Mother Tongue Listening paper.

I cannot express how grateful I am for meeting these girls. Without them, I think I will be the loneliest girl in class. It's funny because we are not like the usual kind of cliques. We don't meet often to go out and shop or something, in fact, we hardly even meet each other. When we do, we sit at Starbucks and talk for hours. I think it's because we are so comfortable with each other and our daily hugs never fails to make my day *that* much better. Love you girls.

Of course there are other people in class that I am absolutely close to, but I may have to leave them to a different category. But girls, and boys, I'm glad that we're in 32/11 t

ogether. One more year to go and I hope we'll be able to forge stronger bonds with each other!

Another milestone in my sixteen-going-on-seventeen life has got to be TJ Drama.

TJ Drama during Seniors' Farewell

I'm actually really glad to be in this club. I have to admit, it was so so so different from DEP in KC. I think it made me appreciate my girls from KC even more because it was a whole new different experience for me, bearing in mind that I've never been in a proper Drama club. I also have to admit that sometimes I do question my decision about DSA-ing into TJ and have also wondered how my life would have played out instead if I went to MJ. BUT! I have long past that stage, I appreciate everything that I have here in TJ Drama and my entire experience that came along with it, and what is in store for me.

Not the most representative image, but here's something from MIC.

The Production, Made In China, was the main focus of this year while the other clubs were busy with the SYF. Through production, I made friends with people I otherwise wouldn't have. Take for example, Sarah. Oh, she is probably the nicest person in the club! and Kim. okay this one, sometimes I still have to think back to how did I befriend her since she and I were in different plays, unlike Sarah and I. But no regrets! Sarah and Kim are probably the two closest seniors I have in TJ (unlike when I was in KC...) and they were what made drama so much more exciting. I shudder to imagine drama without them. :/

With that, we obviously also have the handing over of the club from the previous exco to our batch this year, forming this new group of crazy people -

Drama Exco 11/12

Before anything, can I just say that I personally think that the previous Exco were such great leaders, it was frightening taking over. Maybe because they were also lead by a great president, Tze Hern was like the bomb! He was like the multi-talented, in a league of his own kind of a leader, it was scary thinking about the responsibilities I had to take over. So, to Tze Hern! /imaginary toast/

Well, the position wasn't something attained easily. So many people actually ran for EXCO, even I got a shock. Okay, simply put, I never actually had to compete with so many people for a leadership position before. In the past, council, choir and RHYA didn't have so many people running for positions and like this was so much more "formal" then the rest. But all in all, I am really thankful for our combination as an EXCO.

I must honestly say that I'm not the easiest person to work with because sometimes I get cranky or paranoid as to whether a plan would work or not, and I suck at rejecting people. But this EXCO has been nothing short of patience, fun and tolerance. They are by far one of the best people to work with.

Adrienne, my little feisty but absolutely fierce and determined girl who is a great partner in the EXCO and a lovely friend. She's so small, sometimes I just want to keep her in my back pack so that I can make her entertain me anytime I want. She really is amazing, and it's even more amazing because she somehow always manages to read my mind, so she'll do the dirty job for me.

Cassandra, oh, my cassy bear. She is the one that I left out in the class girl because she is so amazing. She is decisive, aggressive and intense, but she enjoys her dose of fun. Honestly super super thankful that I met her. I think God has laid a hand. We share the exact same subject combination since the start of the year and apparently we had a lot of encounters before being put into the same class. I wouldn't know because I never recognised her prior to being 32/11. She is my trusty pal and the first person I wrote a mini song for!

I haven't exactly gotten a chance to know Vaish and Inge as well as I know the other two, but these two girls are gems to have in your lives. They are tolerant of me antics and they are so supportive of whatever decisions I propose, I am truly blessed to be working with such a lovely group!

With all the new TJ stuff, it's always important to remember where you came from, so obviously, we'll go back to my favourite girls, the KC Girls.

Half of Drama, friends, KC choir, Christmas Party.

Missing my own group of class girls, whom I haven't met the entire year. I think it's amazing because it seems like regardless how much life has changed and all, KC girls still kind of stay the same. It's cute because everybody is caught up in their own school and all the school events and new friends, yet, at a simple Christmas Party at Teresa's place is able to gather everyone together and talk about their J1 experiences. I could get used to this. Although none of them are my classmates... sometimes it gets awkward.

So, since this is the first time I'm doing a "Let's reflect on the past year" kind of post, I also came up with a quick flow of events. I mean, I have also conveniently omitted out parts:

My 2011 in a glance.

This is an extremely long post, and I haven't actually spoken about all the tougher times in this J1 year. The coming year is going to be a lot tougher. Syllabuses this year was a lot tougher than it was in KC and I have without a doubt, second guessed and doubted myself countless of times this year, I guess it shows as well. I haven't been as academically independent and stable, and in approximately 3 days, I have to sit for my retest.

However, since there is only less than 20 hours of 2011 left. I'm not going to dwell on all the nasty things that happened this year but instead give thanks! Thank you for the magical people I have met this year (of which some weren't even from Drama or my class) and those I've still managed to keep in contact (DEP girls esp.), thankful for the lessons I have learnt, and for pushing on whenever I wanted to give up.

To end off the not-so-fabulous 2011, here's something to push me, you, and us forward!

In case we die, at least we die with fulfilled!

This concludes the longest blog post of the year.

Have a Happy New Year!

xx,

Deonn!

Christmas 2011

2011-12-31T02:13:00.000+08:00

Okay, actually, I have another post queued after this. I didn't expect myself to be taking so long to update a post, and that post took me about 3 hours? So I'm going to keep this really short, so I can post the other post and then hit the sack. I mean, shizzz, I've been sitting in this chair for the past 5 hours I think?! :<

Christmas Eve, 24th December:

Met the girls for coffee at Marina's Starbucks. Haven't met them in like 4 weeks and I really missed them, so we literally sat there and chat the entire time. Which was no easy feat, because we all left exhausted. HHAHA we damn loser la. And me being me, I obviously overslept, so I was late meeting them, and I had a mild wardrobe malfunction. Oh well, at least we met up! :)

On Christmas itself, I received a whatsapp notification from Rebby at like 1 am asking if we wanted to meet up for breakfast, so... we did! Nyehehe.

As compared to the previous time, we took a lot lesser pictures, and not all of them were nice, so I cropped some funny ones out and compiled them together first. I know I haven't uploaded the pictures, but I've just been soooo lazy. And overthinking about stuff. Le sigh, but Merry Christmas! :)

Went home and slept while watching 2 Broke Girls, and then went out for grocery shopping with my brother in the night to get ingredients needed for making the food for the Christmas Party @ Trezzy's place the next day. Well, at least we spent a bit of family time together on Christmas! :>

Spent the night cutting the ingredients up and washing and all and then wrapping presents and all that, it was tiring ok.

Woke up earlier to prepare the stuff and toast all the food and all, and then I headed towards Teresa's place. Holly is still the cutest big dog I've seen :>

anyway, i'm too lazy to continue, it was just a mini gathering of the KC girls. Mostly the 406 people and me, haha awkward I know. Oh well.

Us making matching faces with the post its given by Jen :)

and that concluded the Christmas episode. oh yay! I can finally post the other one and go to sleep :)

xoxo,

Deonn!

Christmas morning

2011-12-25T09:37:00.001+08:00

Hey there, been wanting to pull a quick update!
Soooo, I managed to find the time now because I'm waiting for Rebecca to come. Spam texted her like 15 times and whatsapped her as well, heh oh well.

Anyway, what I've been doing with my life the past couple of days is atrocious. I recall the days where everyone was like damn into blogging right, then everyday blog-hopping like some bunny. SAME THING HAPPENING TO ME NOW. I blame clicknetwork but of course I blame myself more. I mean, I always knew the existence of the show because like occasionally I'll go and watch Budget Barbie or the playlist. But wah the massive impact only came 4 days ago.

So, I spent 2 nights, or early mornings some might call it finishing the entire series of Chick vs Dick. That's like freaking 80+ episodes?! Don't remember if its 83 or 84 episodes, but like phwoarrrr. I mean okay la, each ep is only like 7 minutes average, but you go do the math la, it's still a lot lor!

[edit/]
Met rebby, so I stopped the post. Spent the last few hours of Christmas grocery shopping with the brother and then chopping up capsicums, carrots, mushrooms and sausages. Prepping for party tomorrow, wah chopping is not easy but it's fun la. Hahah.
Nothing much to say except that I am mother behind time!!!
Merry (e)x-mas!! (get the pun?)

xoxo
Dee

Change

2011-12-20T03:18:00.002+08:00

I think its been too long since i've been here. Things seems to have changed.
I can't fall back to sleep, and i cannot explain why.
I wish I knew how the forces of the universe worked.
Or how my body worked, only then can I repel this insomnia.
Hate that school is reopening soon, not very ready for J2 year yet.
And since I doubt i'll be posting near Christmas...
Happy Christmas, mates! :)

Sectionals

2011-12-08T02:04:00.003+08:00

Made this for myself sometime ago. I guess it is to constantly remind myself about not judging people and start living my own life.

I've been trying to load the latest episode of glee for the entire afternoon and all, but after I loaded it, they would tell me that I've watched 72 minutes worth of video and prevent me from watching. So finally, I just watched it, and I must say that it is a brilliant brilliant episode.

What I found so amazing about this episode is that it is inspiring. I honestly thought that there might be a chance for The TroubleTones to win Sectionals, but after I heard the 3 Jackson themed songs that The New Directions sang, I knew TND were going to win. Reasons?

1. They got to sing 3 songs while the other groups only had a song each.

2. The show is ultimately about TND as a glee club, prior to the creation of The TT.

Anyway, regardless of that, I absolutely, thoroughly enjoyed The TT's performance, and I loved the Survivor/I will survive mash-up. My favourite part of TND's performance would have to be Man In the Mirror. I mean, Kevin Mchale has got probably the best voice to cover any Michael Jackson's song, and also, I loved the message that was behind it.

Mr Chang coming to watch Mike perform after Tina's persuasion. Mike and Tina's little tiff. The showing of more Brittana brewing, which I absolutely loved because I think they left this bit off last week's episode! I mean, they haven't actually explored the relationship between Brittany and Santana! Rachel's advice to Quinn about making the right decision as an adult, and of course, Sam Evans coming back to TND. May I also add that I love Sam's hair now, and I genuinely think that he should get rid of his old season 2 hair style and permanently sport this hair cut.

Okay, this is a little more than I had expected about an update about Glee. My main reason for this update actually to let this non-existent webpage visitors know that I am searching for a source of motivation and inspiration.

After every episode of Glee, I always feel like there is hope in the world, and after today's it feels like if i want to see anything happen, I have to take the first step out. No doubt, I am always filled with self-doubt, and I honestly don't believe that I will make it out there. But I want to try because I don't want to look back on today 5 years later and wished that I took the step my mind and heart wanted me to follow.

Make the change. We are Young.

2011-12-05T23:02:00.002+08:00

I can't even think of a title for this post. I'm so fed up with myself because I don't know what am I doing. Its like i'm in this daze of some sort and I don't belong anywhere. Nothing I do seems to be going right, and all I am now is being a stupid screwed up student in a school she doesn't really belong.

The thorn.

2011-11-22T19:21:00.001+08:00

I'm sitting here in the gym of the most familiar place of the past 4 years of my life. Being in my alma mater makes me feel happy and sends happy tingles down my spine, but I feel oddly out of place. I don't feel like I belong in here. Been singing for 7 years and acting for the 4th year now. 7 years of my life but I don't feel like I belong anymore. Genuinely miss the choir.

Being in here and listening to my latest batch of choir comm discuss about the night walk plans for later, reminds me so much of myself 2 years ago. Just that I think they are better leaders than I am. I feel like the thorn amongst the roses. I feel like I'm just an extra being amongst this kids. Like all of them are looking at me, wide-eyed, confused, bemused, I don't even know. Makes me want to break down again like I did yesterday.

I don't belong.

A phase

2011-11-15T02:29:00.001+08:00

I know it's not right, but sometimes I just get so bored of people and I just want everybody to leave me alone. I just want to curl up in a nice ball or under the covers, so that no one can judge me, or tell me what to do. It's almost like I don't exist. Sometimes I like it, because that's not too far off from my reality.

Hola from Malaysia!

2011-11-12T15:31:00.003+08:00

Hello there the lack of visitors at this blog!

Project work is officially over!
Short weekend getaway at Genting, Malaysia now with the mother and her friends. So thankful for the free wifi at Starbucks here at First World Hotel.

The Mother and her friends are in the casino playing while I'm just here sipping me Venti Toffee Nut Latte, and using the laptop to run some errands.

The Drama club is responsible for the drama workshop during SLC, so there's still things that needs to be done. :/

Furthermore, I don't exactly have a break. Monday I'll be back in school studying from 8 till 3. Or 1 since there's SLC dry run. Le sigh.

Sitting inside here in starbucks feels really warm. Ironic that I'm feeling warm in Genting. It's supposed to be cold like how I felt when I arrived here at 3.19am this morning. Silly me forgot to bring me cable down, so I can's sync the shot i took of meself. Lazy me also didnt wanna bring the laptop charger down because it was heavy.

Hence, i'll just be surfing the web and doing some stuff now till it dies, then i'll get started on reading WSS. :)

sounds like a good plan, I'm happy with the plan.

listening to Cher's album, Sticks + Stones.

Me lovely brother downloaded it for me to accompany me on my journey here.

I wanna get the christmas Starbucks tumblers.

Till then, i love you, take care!

Not really a dream, this is your reality.

2011-10-24T18:01:00.003+08:00

I miss last year.

Almost an entire year has passed. So much has gone by.
Results. Orientation. Production. JCTS. J2s Farewell. Studying. Promos. Results.

I guess, we have indeed gone one full circle.

The results were atrocious this time round. Precarious almost. With God's grace however, I think I managed to pull through by securing the one H2 pass. But I know I have disappointed so many people. So many people asking me about my results and why are they like that. But in all honesty, I didn't even expect myself to pull through this year. There's just so many other motivating factors such as retaining the position of President.

I think I have issues, probably the worst kind as an Arts student. Failure to analyse, I really don't know how to go about doing that.

Also, being the extremely sensitive me.
It feels like the choir days all over again. You know, I never really felt like a proper president in choir because I don't think people see me as the president because my vice was so capable. It's almost like how I feel right now.

I don't really want to go there, so I should probably get started on my I&R draft 2 now.

good day.

Abracadabra

2011-10-17T06:57:00.001+08:00

Hey, so im actually on my way to school now. Thank goodness I'm seated on the bus, and freaking nerve-wrecked about receiving results early in the morning. :(

Been listening to some Jessie J, and spamming Mila Kunis on tumblr. Oh and Cheryl Cole. Hahaha I love the British.

Had a rather mundane birthday this year, but it was a lot special-er than previous years. Ice cream date with Brenda and Rebecca before the birthday itself, to the little meaningful gifts I received. Finally felt some love going around.

Now everything is just going to all be about PW and the other part of it Chinese. I feel rather uncultured. I think I've got to start picking up a book and digesting its contents again. That's something I haven't really managed to do.

Alrighty, just reached the interchange. See you around soon then :)

xx

2011-10-16T23:02:00.001+08:00

I actually have nothing to say.
or I do.
Tomorrow is judgement day part I.

Distracted, as always.

2011-10-10T02:41:00.003+08:00

This has got to be the most artistic I've learnt in a while. Surprisingly learnt in a PW workshop. Oh, how I felt like Andy Warhol for a couple of hours.

I have clean forgotten how to do this now. Kinda sad that I lost that skill actually, i really like this Andy-Warhol-Vibes that I get from doing that. And oh, Leighton Meester. She has got to be one of my favourites. And talking about favourites, I think I've developed a (lot) of female celebrity crushes. :O but you can't blame me, I think the females in the industry are better looking than the males. But that said, I would never mind Ed Westwick, anytime.

But honestly, loving. like loving Mila Kunis, Cheryl Cole/Tweedy, and Tulisa. Okay I do have my reasons, but I'm a tad too lazy to go into detail. It's 2:48am, and I have school tomorrow. Oh, and really loving Jessie J's music. Why does it seem like the British female singers are better, Jessie, Adele, Cheryl? and CHER LLOYD. okay, we start on her another time.

I feel like I'm exploring my musical taste. Currently listening to some Nicki Minaj whilst my itunes was on shuffle the entire time I did my I&R. I do like Nicki Minaj. Anymore songs/artists to recommend. Would love some indie or not so mainstream music if possible.

Alrighty, time to eat the pillows. Pretty excited about turning 17 this Wednesday. Being 16 feels so... secondary school. HAHA I think I need to move on in my life, to finally feel like I'm maturing, growing and capable. But that said, my brother's leaving for KL on wednesday, and my mum and grandma leaving on thursday for KL.

Welcome to my life.

Traffic Jam

2011-10-06T07:20:00.001+08:00

Currently stuck in a traffic jam near school. :(
Post promos are going by faster than expected. Had a day to sleep in and just watch videos and movies all day, and then it was back to the harsh reality. :/
Okay, proper update soon, when I'm not in a bus full of people and beside a sleeping boy.

xoxo!

Believing

2011-10-01T17:29:00.001+08:00

Prior to my entry into Temasek, I knew clearly that the subject I wanted to take was definitely Literature. But I'm not so sure now.

Call me shallow if it pleases you, but I haven't been doing well for lit since I entered TJ. I know lit is tough and you need to have an eye for intricacies and detail, but that's what I lack. Not only so, I fail at being able to analyse anything. I believe I haven't seen anything above two digits for any tests this year.

It just sucks.

My lit paper is on Monday, marking the end of promos for me, but that is exactly why I'm in this current state of depression. It's like a make it or break it thing.

I know I'm gonna fail history, and it's going to take a miracle for me to pass my econs, and so all I'm left with is lit. Ugh, why must I suck at Maths, why? At least if I took Maths at h2, I could mildly depend on it.

This sucks, I hate exams.

Finally~

2011-09-27T13:52:00.001+08:00

Finally an iPhone app for blogger! Been trying to blog on the go like I could with my nokia.

Promos starts tomorrow, I just wanna wish everyone all the best. Know that I'm here with you.

Good luck!!
xx

Nothing's ever gonna bring us down.

2011-09-17T12:48:00.001+08:00

PANIC MODE SHOULD BE TURNED ON RIGHT NOW.

Promos in approximately 11 days, I think I ought to be on a hiatus now.

Good luck my friends.

Disappointed

2011-09-14T23:40:00.001+08:00

Today's series of events has taught me two things.

One, to be thankful for everyone around me, because I am really really fortunate to have a caring family and supportive friends.

Two, that I am truly blessed, and that if I really wanted to do something, all I need and can do is to truly truly dedicate time and energy to it.

I am just truly appalled by the fact that people are actually capable of such misdeeds.

Revelation.

2011-09-12T22:51:00.002+08:00

So i figured, since there is approximately 16 days to my Promotional Exams (or 15 days in an hour's time) why should I be all mopey and down right.

I kinda wanna work hard for these 15 days and do the best I can for Promos. I know I can do it, and I know you all can too. I hope 32/11 promotes together.

By the way, missing my OG a little. Hoping that there will be some time for us to get together after promos. chalet, lunch, dinner, whichever!

Let's work together! :)

Dee.

Glee Obsession!

2011-09-10T04:33:00.002+08:00

Glee is by far one of the shows I've been craziest over.

Caught the movie today and oh my goodness, it was amaze-balls. Like it was rather short and all but it managed to capture the essence of it all.

I am truly convinced that Glee is a really powerful show that has managed to change many people's lives.

Thank you, Ryan Murphy.

Anyway, I just spent the last 3.5 hours downloading the Glee soundtrack volume 1-regionals from scratch. I know, what the hell right, might as well be studying.

Well, I figured, I could do with some more music while studying and really, Glee is so empowering, maybe it'll motivate me to study.

Gah its late, I'm going to catch some sleep before heading out to study later.

Enough thinking, time for sleeping.

Survive, my pals.

Promos is just round the corner.

xx.

Shocked.

2011-09-08T03:20:00.003+08:00

So, I just found out that my friend of 4 years just unfriended me on Facebook.

Without any rhyme or reason.

I don't know what to say, and that is why i think that my lack of faith in friendship is valid.

2011-09-08T00:09:00.001+08:00

may I also add that I am actually not as strong as I seem?

Need.

2011-09-07T23:22:00.002+08:00

I'm so sick of being sick and tired, you know.

I'm tired of being the one at the side, I'm sick of being constantly in the peripheral vision of everybody.

So, I've figured that I'm a really needy person. It's like I'm constantly insecure and I only feel safe by possessing. I didn't use to be like that, it just sucks because whenever I feel like I'm in a comfortable place with a friend or anybody, I just automatically get let down, and I lose them. It just makes me wonder, am I really that detestable?

Ugh. I've been thinking about this for a really long while. And then going onto Facebook and Twitter and every other social networking site and you see how everybody talks about the wonders of SLC and all that, and I'm like dude, give me a break.

I know I'm being unreasonable, because everyone is entitled to their own voice, but give me a break. Go and talk about it on the page instead, there are plenty of people out there who didn't manage to experience that life-changing, mind-blowing experience. And I happen to be one of them.

Ugh, I apologise for being such a whiny bitch.

You all are entitled to your voice and happiness.

shall go and do my WR now.

xx.

When you've graduated,

2011-09-04T21:51:00.002+08:00

You go right back and feel its warmth.

KC has been absolutely the most wonderful place. Despite the security guard who hates me and all, KC is one place that always makes me feel so at home :)

So, the kids from SLC are back. Had to give it a miss because 1) I wasnt signed up for it 2) i didn't know if i wanted to go.

REGRETS.

And I think even after 7 months of school, i havent gotten used to the whole co-ed thing.

That said, promos are in 24 days.

xx.

Little things to hold on to.

2011-08-29T01:58:00.002+08:00

Sogurt half price day from 4-8pm on 26 august 2011

Well, it's been long since I've entered this space. It doesn't matter anyway, this is an empty space where I spill out my own thoughts and think through things, vent out every possible frustration and just let loose. It's like a private space in the least private form. Oxymoronic, Ironic, juxtaposition, which ever you call it, I'm not good with words.

So I admit, there were days which I felt like a train-wreck. I didn't know what to do, I was feeling impulsive, I wanted to just lay in bed, under my blanket and avoid the issue. I wanted to cut my hair because I really couldn't stand it, I wanted to throw in the towel, and I just wanted to be a coward.

And I still do.

Well, I just don't feel as strong as I did at the start of the year. I was a whole lot stronger, more motivated and well, even physically stronger. I think at the start of the year, i had more friends. That's not surprising.

It was the start of the year, which meant that you still keep in contact with your friends from KC.

It was the start of the year, orientation, which meant you knew that you always had your first friends in this foreign school with you.

It was the start of the year, you were preparing for a production, which meant that you made friends with the seniors you had in the club.

It was the start of the year, you were just getting to know your classmates, politely they were there, and they would be around.

What feels to me now is that I only have my classmates around with me, and I'm not complaining. I have the loveliest girls around me, and a lot of love goes to them! But I feel like I'm missing out on a whole lot of people in my life.

I feel like I'm always not meeting up to standards.

I'm afraid I won't be able to do well for Promos. If I fail promos, that's it. No more Drama president for you. That sounds shallow, but I think it's through TJ Drama that I ever felt like a leader. I never even really felt like a leader in KC Choir, in Council, nor RHYA.

Just got to step up my game I think.

I want my seniors back, I'm not doing a good job, anyway.

2011-08-18T23:30:00.001+08:00

I THINK ONLY JON COZART CAN MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
AND MAYBE CAMERON MITCHELL AS WELL.

I LOVE YOUTUBE,

I'm not a gangster, fool.

2011-08-14T23:58:00.002+08:00

I miss my hair here. Actually, i really miss 404. And KC.

I'm trying my best to feel optimistic, but it's not easy. Who am I kidding, its not easy for everyone. Its tough, 44 days to promos, I... I don't even want to get started on it.

I went for rugby clinic yesterday and man, how much i missed being on the field with my studded boots and being under the sun. There's a lot i need to learn about this sport once again because i lost them last year, but I'm being to feel the passion i once had for this sport.

One thing that happened yesterday though, was that i knocked my head on the ground after being tackled. like head on, on the ground. It didn't really hurt then but on my way home and all i could feel a headache coming. I'm just hoping that these headaches that I'm getting are due to the heat and extreme conditions.

Better get started for econs or i might be banished to the wall of shame, again.

WTF indeed. okay, good bye.

to end this, oh, I love Jon Cozart! :>

xoxo,

DEE

training!

2011-08-13T02:36:00.001+08:00

cannot fucking find my boots.
training in 7 hours.

travelling time is an hour odd
sleep for 3.5 hours.
see you.

2011-08-10T22:30:00.001+08:00

GOTTA PREPARE FOR STAFF DAY CONCERT.

Fire

2011-08-08T01:42:00.002+08:00

Getting a little conscious of how I look physically. I look terrible. Borderline hating myself, but that'll make me borderline suicidal too, and I don't think its worth it. Shall just remain lonely forever. My friends don't reply and stopped texting me, anyway.

And my arms of love spreads around.

2011-08-05T23:02:00.002+08:00

I think everyone is undergoing a bad patch, myself included.
As trivial as this may seem, I'm worrying that I'm losing my importance in everybody's lives. Its like I've became this invisible, insignificant, speck of dust. In this wide spectrum of colours, I'm merely the dullest and most insignificant person.

Regardless of it all, I want all you people out there to know that if you're feeling down, and sad and insecure, of regardless of your emotions, abilities and every other thing. You're not alone. There is always someone out there who is in the same position as you, but there is also always someone who will stand by you, when you're upset, when you don't feel strong enough.

Reb, you included.

i hope you see this, know that you are not alone. Even though our communications are via tweets and non-verbal means, I've got your back.

School Sucks

2011-07-28T01:20:00.002+08:00

Alliteration on the title there.
Gave school a miss today to check on my leg, indeed, its the shin splints.
anyway, i dont have to go for napfa retest, already failed my 5 items segment.

Hmm, supposed to catch up on work, i caught up on my sleep instead.
Gotta get started on EoM.
See you soon.

The opposite of Hope.

2011-07-24T21:32:00.002+08:00

Not everyone is as brave, not everyone is as strong.
I need an inspiration because I'm feeling weak and as if I don't belong. I used to be a lot stronger, a lot wittier and a lot tougher.
Now, i feel like I've been punctured with a needle, right through me, making me limp and weak and insecure.
I don't like feeling insecure.

Accompanied Chomp and brother and Ian and friend yesterday at Vivo with Azwyn and Chomp's swim friends. Its good to know that there is still hope out there, and messengers of hope.

I'm proud to be her friend, and she is by far the coolest and most empowering friend I've had.
maybe, next year.

There Comes A Time

2011-07-21T21:19:00.002+08:00

So glad that life is moving on.

I finally managed to pass my JCTs.

planned and executed farewell successfully.

So proud of my courageous chomp chomp.

hair for hope on saturday for her, and i'll be right behind her.

till i come back with more to say, i will do my EoM.

Deeeeeeeee

Musing

2011-07-10T20:25:00.002+08:00

One of my magical classmate :)

There's this unspeakable amount of stress that is mounting.
I know who they are heading for: Me.

Well, JCTs results wasn't fantastic. And they are still heading downhill. I just hope that I can carry out my Farewell plans before I get suspended, which by the way I can't.

Watching Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix now while doing my drama invites.

Hopefully all is well.

Breakeven

2011-07-03T22:49:00.001+08:00

I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what's in store for me.

I don't know where are you, and I don't know why I am alone.

2011-07-01T20:10:00.000+08:00

A Routine.

2011-06-26T16:00:00.002+08:00

I'm seated at the possibly most obscure corner of the Birthday Party Corner.

What lies ahead of me is two possibilities:

1. I effectively managed to blend in as one of the guests attending the birthday party, although am visibly not a Malay girl. Or,

2. I get chased away by the McDonalds crew or the family hosting the party.

I don't understand why people must hold their birthday parties in McDonalds. Tell me why! I mean ESPECIALLY, IF YOUR KID IS 12 MONTHS OLD. That is one i dont think i will ever be able to fathom or understand. Not like ten years down the road he/she will be able to recall what happened at the party. Or whether the pinata was successfully smashed or something, right?

Anyway, i really ought to get back to my history notes judging that my paper is in less than 24 hours and it is really very content heavy, but I cant take my history notes out because then i will be chased out of my little happy area here.

Dilemma, indeed.

Till then, Good bye and Good luck for JCTs!

Deonn :>

Insecurities

2011-06-22T20:59:00.001+08:00

I hate it when i have to second guess myself, for justifiable reasons, or otherwise.

I, don't know what to do.

It seems like everything i do is futile.

why then do i even try?

I try.

2011-06-20T01:46:00.002+08:00

How do you be a literature student, if you don't read books.

How do you be a performer, if you know nothing about theatre and broadway.

How do you be a student, if you don't study.

How do you be a friend, if you don't care.

How do you survive, without a social life.

Who exactly are you?

The one with the make-up, or the one beneath it?

Why don't you come on over?

2011-06-17T03:04:00.002+08:00

3 hours of my life.

I. spent three hours of my life doing this instead of studying. but i don't regret it. when i wear this pair of shoes out to study, i believe i will be more motivated.

Hung out with the excos of '11 and mrs k and Zoey and Teresa for K's farewell on tuesday. Bowled for the first time in my life and then the three of us caught Something Borrowed, which was good but could have been better. But for the hot guy, it's all good. :)

Studied with K yesterday at the airport yesterday. Considerably productive since it's the first time this holiday that i'm really studying. and the fact that we took a two hour nap at the aviation gallery.

Studied today on my own, then joined by S. not the most productive thing, but meeting her and spamming her iphone with my face is all worth it. :)

I just heard the duet between Naya and Darren during his concert, and i think i might die anytime soon. I need her album asap because I'm fangirling a girl. so whut, im cool like that.

Listening to Charice now and generally the Glee cast. They've got really good songs and voices. Converter is being a bitch. I Hate You Zamzar, please load my songs.

Good night.
dinner tonight with A and C.

adieu, JCTs.

My life at the moment

2011-06-09T17:45:00.002+08:00

ANTM CYCLE 16

GLEE SEASON 2

This has been my life. I haven't done anything productive, I should shoot myself.

Apparently i answered a phone call yesterday and i had a conversation with my Taekwondo trainer. Why do i not recall any part of it?

National Service

2011-06-08T00:47:00.002+08:00

In a couple of hours, my one and only brother is going to serve the nation as a new recruit.

i know i'm going to miss him despite him being annoying at times, his the best brother one could ever have, and i love him.

Please take care of yourself.

Come out a strong buff boy, okay?

a lot of love.

Close enough to start a war.

2011-06-07T03:39:00.002+08:00

Very first exco meeting today. I would say it went well. Quite a different atmosphere from the meetings i used to have with my choir or the council. But, i'm looking forward to a great working experience together with them. We're a committee of girls, it's really quite amusing.

well, i get to go for auditions tomorrow, so i'm quite excited.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid because i don't know what's in store for me. I'm afraid because i'm afraid i'll grow to be a letdown to those who have left their faith in me. I'm afraid because i'm afraid of being a disappointment. I'm afraid because what if i become suspended from drama, or i'll retain at the end of the year. I'm afraid, because there are so many reasons to be afraid.

I need to emerge a fighter.

i'll set fire to the rain.

2011-06-04T00:01:00.001+08:00

Can somebody teach me how to lose weight, because i'm sick and tired of being fat.

Have you been on magik express?

2011-06-03T22:55:00.006+08:00

I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH THIS GIRL.

YES, YOU, REBECCA.

Brittana

2011-06-02T22:17:00.002+08:00

My current favourite characters.

Just finished watching Glee Season 2 today. Cried so badly in the funeral episode. I think Santana singing songbird to Brittany was so good. Was hoping that she got to sing Landslide instead of Gwyneth Paltrow. But i loved the song too. So glad that in the later part of the season Santana had more airtime along with Brittany. I think Santana's my favourite character cos she's just so cool with her own attitude, and not to mention freaking hot.

Naya Rivera FTW please.

And its so damn cute that in real life Naya and Heather are best friends.

/aww please.

I'm so afraid im queer too because my favourite pairing in the show is Klaine and Brittana (although they remain as best friends instead of lovers)

Sigh, i guess i've got to move on. You know, this holiday is not infinite. I have classmates mugging their asses off already and im still here enjoying a good dose of funshion glee and youtube. Well, i guess that's the only way to catch up with life because i don't have a life, neither do i have a social life.

i still dont know if i wanna continue staying here on blogger, so tempted to jump over to tumblr again.

so. freaking. fickle. minded.

Anyway, i cleared the black box that day with Cass and Eatsham. its so clean now i'm so happy, we're all set for DSA auditions on monday. :)

Cant wait to meet my baby girl next friday, THN, i hope we get to meet!

This saturday im helping Ziling with her poly assignment, then GPP meeting. Sunday we have GPP meeting. Monday GPP submission. Tuesday unconfirmed. Wednesday my brother's going to the army. Shit.

Need to have a exco meeting asap. as much as i dont wish to, we need to plan the farewell for J2s. sigh, you know, time is passing too quickly.

Reb, i dont think you'll see this, but i do hope your leg gets better. please dont aggravate the injury further, and really just let it rest. i dont want you to become like artie because you're my buffgirl94 ok. :(

Need less awkward conversations in my life.

i wanna download Adele's album and all the Glee soundtrack.

i'll drop by again.

xx.

HOLIDAYS.

2011-06-01T00:55:00.002+08:00

ITS THE HOLIDAAAAAAYYYYYS!! ~~

teehee, relaxed on the first two days of the holidays after the gruelling coaching course on sunday, which i know i'll obviously fail... IM A BLACK BELTER WHOOHOO~

anyway, have a failed movie marathon on monday with K at her place. okay, we slept instead, but we watched two movies! :)

and today i just spent it eating and sleeping.

life is good.

GPP tomorrow, i'll just watch some shows first. hehehe.

and btw, this was how high my shoe was supposed to be for MIC...until they changed it.

goodnight!

xx,

Dee.

Processed and made.

2011-05-25T23:18:00.002+08:00

We were Made In China.

well, I'm really glad and proud of each and everyone of us.

and i had the best time and amount of fun, i dont even know how to describe it.

had elections and post production blues.

results are out.

new term is going to begin. time to study hard, work hard and play hard.

xx.

Wild Thinks

2011-05-15T20:36:00.002+08:00

Had a great time at Wild Thinks, thank you, TJ Choir!

Now i hope everyone will have fun at Made In China!

We're completely sold out and we debut in 4 days!

Extremely excited! friends and family coming for every show!

xx.

DEE.

2011-05-11T01:43:00.001+08:00

8 DAYS TO GO.

MADE IN CHINA.

TJ DRAMA.

Gotta Move On

2011-05-09T21:33:00.002+08:00

Have i ever told you, i hate it when i don't mater.

anyway, its gonna be 9 days to Made In China!! sexcited ttfm. i've got to cut my PI, do both history and then read freaking econs.

Drama takes precedence over everything since i have to friends.

Goodbye,

xx.

By The Way, I Miss You, Vanessa THN.

2011-05-03T02:36:00.004+08:00

Hundred.

2011-05-03T02:27:00.002+08:00

I think Jia Min's right. I rather today was a school day instead of holiday in lieu, because at least that means i'll have gotten my homework done, and not doing what i do best - last minute work. I think Procrastinating is my middle name.

Anyway, i've got my new phone yesterday, but sad to say (and i'm really disappointed), that it had the cheek to black out on me. it refuses to reboot, and seeing that it uses a different sim card from the other normal phones, i'm simless as well as phoneless. And i spent 2 hours handtyping in all the contacts! sigh, using my grandmummy's number now.

anyway, it's the night whereby i discover some great artists. listening to Regina Spektor and Florence and The Machines now. surprisingly, i've been listening to Beast. Influence of A. right, gotta go back to my non-existent SEA essay. at the rate i'm going, i don't have to wait till the end of the year to find out that i'm a loser and a failure.

Happy Hundredth post, by the way, my paperrockstar. Never thought you'd hit the triple digits. a pat on the back for that!

Made in China

2011-05-02T00:03:00.001+08:00

this is not the poster, but this was the temp one. i loved it with this effect from the iphone lomo.

facebook is being a biatch. there's so many things i need to do. i really cant wait for full blown action for the play! and school's getting tough with all the work. but i can do this.

D for

2011-04-26T00:35:00.001+08:00

DISAPPOINT.

So damn tired of disappointing others and myself.

already did that during Os, i dont think i can afford to lose anymore.

Cannonball into the water

2011-04-24T14:16:00.001+08:00

I'm going to hold on to every possible friendship and relationship.

V4

2011-04-24T02:09:00.001+08:00

Caught MJ's Vanity Victorious Virtue Vanquished, Directed by Dwayne. So proud of Yanling. Now it's time for some Made In China. 25 more days! we're gonna own it.

Blake L

2011-04-23T03:15:00.000+08:00

somebody please tell me how did she become so damn freaking hot in season 4.

please.

2011-04-22T22:54:00.001+08:00

today's one of those textless days.

i dont like then whenever i get comfortable texting someone, the conversation just dies off somewhere somehow. had gone through this like 5 times. i don't think i have the capacity and abilities to accept rejection anymore.

A Letter A Day

2011-04-22T14:34:00.001+08:00

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

ripped this off somewhere. i think i'm gonna do it.

Magically magical.

2011-04-22T00:44:00.002+08:00

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN GREAT.

Although i didnt get any sleep on sunday because i was trying to finish my PI, but i survived largely on adrenaline and all that. i knew it would've been kinda good cos the OG just gathered out of their own accord in the morning, at the stage. And we've started selling tickets for MIC. i must say, i am quite excited!! but this means that i've got to control my diet and start maintaining or decreasing my weight for this prod. Kinda excited, really! and i think it was today when i finally made friends with my drama seniors. :)

On tuesday, i knew it would have been another great day. i dont exactly remember what made me think that way, but i just had this gut feeling. i knew it was coming my way. had hugathon on tuesday too. kinda fun that my class was really supportive and even random strangers. i really wanted to keep my board, but i heard they are going to keep it. :( OH, i even hugged ms tan and ms chen. HAHAHAH. and then i went down to SOTA to support my choir baby girls. and that's when i knew that it really was a good day. Felt so proud when i sat in there and heard my girls sing Jaakobin. every pitch was there and it was so good yet intense. i managed to sit in for results and choir #118, CHIJ KATONG CONVENT, GOLD. Gold baby, gold. sustained the title though we ought to have been a gold with honours choir. i am content.

wednesday was also a great day. had polling in the morning with a twist of events. and then followed by international history test which i think didnt go too well but its alright. and we had a very short day of lessons with double career talks. and then i had a lit workshop with British poet Jacob. It was great, really. wrote a poem, how to be math, which i personally liked. as well as a group poem about home. and then went back to drama and met the rest of the casts. and then dinner at sushi tei with TH, S and K. haha it was probably the most epic shit especially the video. home and slept hahah can you imagine how screwed my Southeast Asia history test would be?

and today was the worst day i had. felt so screwed after the history test. the worst part about it was that it was a question that i've done before for an essay outline, yet i couldnt remember anything about it!! :( but pe was alright. managed to push through with the concept of mind over matter, convincing myself that my leg wasnt hurting to complete the 6 rounds. although my timing failed. but the highlight of today has got to be drama rehearsals followed by the poem recital. rehearsed the slap with S a couple of times and the other parts. then went for the recital where i performed my poem as well as a rather impromptu perf with some other tchers. hahaha. really am supposed to be doing my GPP research but i'm trying to figure out how to sync the info from my phone to the laptop.

and i secretly cant wait for MJ's prod. secretly spying. haha, cant wait to meet my drama baby girls!!

xx.

Paint The Houses

2011-04-17T22:53:00.001+08:00

Managed to paint the houses at 1.

very satisfied.

had a great time with azwyn, jiamin and jiepin.

dinnered at north point shopping centre.

never knew it existed. hehe.

i cant bring myself to do PI.

major sigh

Constant

2011-04-13T22:10:00.002+08:00

when everyone meant so much more to each other than something, now.

Glad i met Aliah after drama today. Havent seen here in such a long while because she's also HC nom and we're in different groups for drama and its just i dont see her anymore. bbt with her and reb after that. Good ol' OG days, 'cept that this was a lot more...awkward turdle. like srsly. but i appreciated it.

everybody's changing and i dont feel the same.

i dont feel that i can communicate with anyone, anymore. Everyone have their own lives to lead, new friends, new chapters of their life, it's no longer an OG thing, its a thing about 'me'. I guess i should have been prepared for this, but unlike G, my ogls didnt warn me of this. screw this, i dont even talk to my ogls.

Evcrything is so...hypocritical.

it's either you're in it, or you're out.

I guess i'm out. without a choice.

irony that though i'm the performer, i probably have the lowest self-esteem.

"In sooth i know not why i'm so sad, it wearies me, you say it wearies you."

-Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare.

The new PL150

2011-04-10T21:24:00.001+08:00

here's just some, some others are from speech day. waiting for jen to upload the pictures. i think i have homework, i don't even know. bye. :)

this is not a title

2011-04-10T21:23:00.000+08:00

Have i successfully walked out of your life?

Hold On To Our Dreams;

2011-04-10T00:56:00.003+08:00

Speech Day 2011 for 2010 was definitely a day to remember.

more pictures coming up.

I love KC.

This is real.

2011-04-05T21:44:00.002+08:00

The story of my life. LOL

actually, i realised, i don't hate HC. i'm utterly grateful for it. Prepares me for my near future. I will seek solace in my studies, and then i will become a full-fledged mugger.

the prospects of Deonn Yang becoming a mugger is exceptionally inviting.

I've got to constantly keep in mind that i'm no longer in KC and that this whole new environment belongs to TJ. Really got to keep in mind that surrounding me, everyone is either a closet mugger, intelligent by nature or an open mugger. nobody's like me who went in with a fantastic score.
Got to work a lot harder.

it's not even an option.

Dear Knee,

2011-04-04T22:37:00.001+08:00

I really don't know why you're hurting so badly. Is it because of the repeated kicking on saturday? Or the fact that after that i brought you to HMV at city hall to get a badge? Or that i repeatedly made you walk, regardless whether you could or not? Pretty pretty please, whatever the reason, stop hurting. It's scary to know that i've got no control over you, and i'm always about to fall without any support. Please? :(

Project Work

2011-04-04T01:45:00.001+08:00

I've got approximately 3.5 hours to complete a new PI, as well as my History assignment. My life is awesum. i just watched the delta cheerleading video again. i have no life.

REBBY LOH

2011-04-03T22:06:00.001+08:00

Today, Rebby Turns 17!!1!!

HAPPPPY VERY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR HUN! ONE YEAR OLDER ONE YEAR STRONGER ONE YEAR WISER ONE YEAR COOLER AND ONE YEAR PRETTIER.

YOU KNOW I LUV YOU.

XX.

2011-04-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are

"Who You Are"
-Jessie J.

who you are

2011-04-02T23:14:00.004+08:00

i really really really don't like the current situation i'm in. I thought insecurity shitz are supposed to only be for secondary school days, not all the way till now. not in jc. n0t now. SO FUG SICK OF IT. I don't even know how to describe this. i hope it's merely my inner drama queen dramatising the situation because for 2 more years of this, i think i'm gonna have to go home and cry everyday, go school and sulk everyday and live on my own forever. Really don't need to be in a friendship crisis right now. but really, there's no one, anywhere. where even, are my kc friends. only makes me wonder what is a true definition of friends. so sick of even using twitter and facebook for separate egos because they all boil down to the same thing: people come and go, they come for the novelty and they figure that you're nothing exciting, special and cool and then they leave. and life doesn't stop there, leaves you hanging there, trying to figure an alternative route, find new people to lean on, and then the exact same cycle happens again. the freaking exact same thing. i don't think anyone knows who i am because even i don't know myself. constantly changing for idk who or what. i cant even find the slightest bit of myself i dont know who i am and i dont know how i'm going to push through this. so what if i was a drama student and was a performer, i think i'm entitled my own true emotions.

i don't know what am i doing, and i don't know why i care. i really really don't.

hehe

2011-03-31T23:57:00.003+08:00

SAMSUNG PL150, ZE BEST CAMWHORING DEVICE EVER. MEET ME TO TRY IT. HEHEHE. ^^

Pretty Pretty Please;

2011-03-31T21:51:00.002+08:00

Yeah, i think this picture pretty much sums up what I've been feeling. Inadequate, and insignificant. At least I have my new toys to accompany me in my balloon. A balloon made of super strong latex that is impenetrable.

doing PI now. I think it sucks that the entire PW group is going to be changed. I really really like my group. :(((

You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me

2011-03-31T00:36:00.002+08:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5FM5Akcjraw this video gets me by a lot of things. actually, not the video, the song. i want to give up on pw and just close my eyes and sleep. I don't even know what exactly is required from me. :(

FACTS ABOUT ME.

2011-03-30T22:50:00.002+08:00

#1. I'm so happy i could dieeeee #2. I hate installment plans and payment rates. #3. I love my mother. #4. I have FINALLY gotten a laptop of my own #5. I'm a poor kid because i spend beyond my means :( This is me new seksi as hell laptop, i dont care what you think, this is now my numba 1 bby!!! so happy happy happy, like some freaking deprived child. see why i love my mother, she gets me what i want even though she hardly can. muackmuack kisskiss hughug lovelove. this is a happy post. i keep the sadder post to later ok. teehee!

urgeeeeeee

2011-03-29T01:28:00.002+08:00

I HAVE THIS VERY VERY STRONG URGE AND DESIRE TO..............
Get a new piercing. Damnit.

Do your thing;

2011-03-28T03:33:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt like doing something but you know you never can? I think that's what i feel right now. sigh/ Watched the Delta Cheer video for another what? 5 times? yeah okay less than that, cos youtube was being such a major bitch. The video never fails to make me laugh, especially at rebz' pink upskirt, LULz. Cheerleaders are amazing, generally. Delta's one is just that tad more amazing. :) Deltan Pride. I think Cheerleaders are like performers, you've got to be one to experience the pain performers undergo to put up that final product. It's 3.40 am now. i'm trying to ask myself wtf am i doing up awake. i don't have an answer, apart from the fact that i finished mock screwed up rubbish PI about an hour ago. I'm hungry. i realised i havent eaten since... 5. i think or maybe i ate after that. i don't know. i'm gonna put on weight because i'm not asleep. why doesnt this laptop have the auto caps lock my 'i's. :( sigh, wtf am i doinggggggggggggggggggggg?! D: k bye. i'll go bathe at 530. i shall do...history notes or smth now. oh yes sgc. GRRRR gna do it in school tomorrow. i'll go pack my bag. yes that's what i'll do. then i'll wait till 5 then i'll eat twiggies because mummy bought them. i love twiggies. and my both arms are aching like shizzzz. yesterday's training. gratifying because i know i worked my arms but disappointing cos i know i'm still not anywhere near there. not going to think about it. i'm going to listen to what are words and write copy my history notes into my lecture notes. what if the binding machines chops it off. i'm not making sense. this whole thing is so incoherent. i know why. i'm hungry. stomach, please shut up.

2011-03-28T00:07:00.001+08:00

i love my momzee. /edit i miss *attempted* rugging.

Can you feel the love tonight?

2011-03-27T22:27:00.002+08:00

I don't know if it's facebook, or the laptop that's being a bitch and i cant save pictures, so here's a few to mark my life so far. Or maybe it's God's calling for me to stop all this and start on... ~PW~ anyway, here's from bbyning's party :) with my girls who i sorely miss rn. :(

compare the size of my eyes. ^^

and then 2 pictures which i managed to copy that's of my luvly og. :)

all the replica Ds except for one. sigh. its okay, i dont care. hmph.

and lastly, meet...

@weirdrebz94

lulzzzzzzzzzz. okay bye gonna do my PI so i don't have to use my brain cells to think of depressing sh!t. i hate it. and my brain cells are scarce resources.

need. to. use. them. wisely.

xoxo.

It was only just a dream;

2011-03-27T02:41:00.003+08:00

There's so many things I wish I could do.
I wish I could do sports. I wish I'm a better friend. I wish I mattered. I wish I was smarter. I wish I could fit in. I wish I was cool. I wish I could be the ideal image of a performer. I wish I could sing. I wish I was that bit more likable. I wish I was better. I wish that I'm that bit more competent. I wish I was that I was that bit more confident. I wish my insecurities wouldn't overtake my life. I wish I didn't have this inferiority complex that's killing me.
There's so many things I wish, but I must keep in mind that somewhere out there, people wish they could be fortunate like me, and I'm already living a much better life than countless needy, and victims of the recent quakes. So thank the Lord, Deonn. Stop asking for the moon.
It's so much easier than doing it. All these empty promises I keep and make for myself, Im not going to be getting very far, but the world's gonna end anyway.
anyway, I hate crying in front of people, and I did today in front of ma'am. Very very embarrassing. But idc, I'm a girl. Good night.

Team Delta

2011-03-26T07:30:00.001+08:00

DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA DELTA
WE WIN. WE WIN. WE WIN. FOREVER.

time and tide

2011-03-25T20:12:00.000+08:00

how are we supposed to last till the end of this year and next and forever? It's only March.

going back to the corner;

2011-03-25T01:48:00.000+08:00

I hate life. Life is so unfair. If life was a person, i'd have tied him up in a gunny sack and throw him down the river. Grrrr.

Permanent reservation;

2011-03-23T21:43:00.002+08:00

I just...wrote a poem. I was trying to do my lit homework, i just couldnt focus. Good job, Deonn. About time to get started on lit. And pw. And maths.

What am i doing in school? Should just spend my life sleeping at home and become snorlax. #forlife.

:/

2011-03-23T20:28:00.003+08:00

i need you to be here for me, if you can, like how i try to be here for you, anytime.

/edit
Why do i always waste my time for futile things. Why, please enlighten me.

Facade of the decade.

2011-03-21T00:13:00.002+08:00

hello there.

Had my favourite laughing partner Vanessa THN better known as ning's birthday chalet yesterday in advanced for her 17th birthday on tuesday. I'm posting here because... i know she doesnt read my tumblr, and tumblr's really a bit too public. Anyway, back to my point. I'm glad i went la actually. met up with so many of my baby girls, ning included, who i know i wont be meeting once they all go to poly and so i'm thankful for this chalet. Became more of a catch-up chalet rather than a birthday one. Although well, we did sing you a birthday song 5 times, and once more in the room while we were about to drop dead. monopoly dealed, pictionaried, murderer game with strangers, stomach aches, breakfast, i hope you like our small small present. :) i havent taken a film cam picture with you! :(

Don't fret about anything alright, babe? Because when God closes one door on you, He'll make sure He leaves one window open for you. I promise I'll be here for you even when i'm under a heap of work, because you're my ningning ok. Happy Advanced Birthday, and till we meet, i know i will miss you very very much ok. Love you! :)

Morning Toast, Toasted Morning

2011-03-19T10:06:00.002+08:00

Don't you think it's a brand new day. Hello there. This is absolutely clean and fresh and a brand new year awaits paperrockstar.

Catch a falling star
And put it in your pocket
Never let it fade away.

Catch a falling star
And put it in your pocket
Save it for a rainy day.
I'll be back because tumblr's a bit too public.

Damnit, have i been gone for so long?

2010-12-22T18:49:00.002+08:00

Wow, Os are over, grad was over, holiday in indonesia was over, and i haven't posted. I'm sorry i'm so lazy. nobody's here at this site anyway right.

anyway, i've watched the entire season 3 of gossip girl and daymn it was gooood. addictive and very exciting. ^^ and i'm working as well. been working since after Os and then break-ed and back to work. i sell tea. you wanna buy tea, you buy from me ok. ^^

and i read HARRY POTTER now! oooo so intellectual right, sexcited. hehehe ok bye.
xoxo.

2010-09-23T18:33:00.001+08:00

CHUCK BASS BABY, CHUCK BASS.

xoxo

Revival

2010-09-04T18:39:00.002+08:00

Hello there!

It has indeed been very long since i've been on this page, no? So in anycase, my life has been fruitful. No, I'm totally kidding. It has just been, jam packed, taxing, long, tiring, but im not feeling jaded about anything. Afterall, today's the start to my one week break. LIE, that is a lie. It might have been a break if... I didnt have to go back to school for 3 full and a half days of intensive drama, and if when school reopens they don't immediately start with preliminaries. Well, and it would have been called a break if i dont have to constantly fret over how far i am behind work, and that regardless of any offer i will still not make it into temasek. not that i really am dying to get in there, just sayin'.

Anyway, we just celebrated the last teachers' day for me in KC and yeah, i had fun. lots and lots of fun. I mean, what's celebrations without performers, both good and bad. ^^ On the side note, we just did both papers one and two of English, which does not bode well for me, and Social Studies, which was bad, and Elementary Mathematics paper 1, which wasn't good either. i slept halfway.

Anyway, I gave myself space to breathe today! I simply refused to do anything but catch stylista on Star World, and then the rest of the episodes on youtube, because starworld was impossibly slow. I mean, the show aired in 2008! IM GLAD JOHANNA WON. :) supported her from the start, i mean, i love her hair. and after growing my hair till its current length for approximately half a year, this is the first time in months i wanna get my short hair again. just a bit too fat for the hairstyle.

That said, i need to lose weight. (i mean, i know i said this probably a gazillion times, but geez, im serious. If this goes on, I wont have anything to wear for Grad Lunch, and mind you, this year's theme is Red Carpet, so boring, so chic. How am I ever gonna have something to wear?! I can't even fit into heels!

grrr, back to youtube,
Deonn.

Whirlpool

2010-08-08T00:46:00.001+08:00

ONE MONTH AND A DAY, since my previous post.
Life has indeed been crazy, from DSA applications, to accepting offers, to pondering, to filmings, to showcase, to meeting SMS, and finally, till investiture.

A load off me, im not too sure how i feel about it. So fast, so quick.
im gonna plant some dreams, im gonna be cool.
im gonna study.
after i catch some ANTM, GG, The Big Bang Theory and some sleep.

CIAO.

Stale

2010-07-05T02:18:00.002+08:00

i miss my hair. (bieber flick ya)

So, what's up guys. No one comes here anymore, so im thinking whether or not to keep this show going. But in case anyone happens to stumble upon here, i'll just upload stuffs here as well. Oh, the jump between Tumblr and Blogger is vexing.

So anyway, the story of my life. First week of school has just flashed by. By saying flashed, I really mean FLASHED by. Unpleasant Swensens on thursday with my 406 buds, and I had O levels oral on friday. Killer I say, and killer I mean. Should had just uttered some intelligent nonsense, I guess I've just blew my own chances.

Anyway, I've spent my weekends with a lazy attitude. Hate myself for that. I never seem to be able to get a hang on myself and FOCUS on what's pressing at hand. I...ate, slept till late afternoon, watched some telly, checked facebook a million times, and I actually did everything but study and homework. My life is going down.

Oh, by the way, I simply have to express my need for trainings. No, I am not trying to act all eagerbeaver, but I've realised that wednesdays are not the same without the forty minutes bus ride to SAJS (okay, there's Glee on wednesdays, but thats beside the point). I need something active in my life. Although after each training I feel like a loser, imbecile, useless player, etc, I need it to fuel my life. Actually, I dont think i'm part of the club yet. Oh well.

IM MAKING THIS AS A PROMISE TO MYSELF:
Deonn is going to study, lose weight, grow taller and build up my fitness.

One last note, I don't like sharing personal interests.
With that, I end my post. I am going to bed now.
Goodnight. :)

Game On

2010-06-24T00:58:00.000+08:00

Although im not even halfway through my holiday homework, im totally cool with it. ok. Not really.
Oh wutever. Study tmr with mel and hf. Drama repertoire on friday. Ning&trez's confirmation on saturday! Stoked! Hahaha &&
IM TOTALLY GAME ON FOR FRIDAY'S GAME.
friendly only, but still! ^^

happy.
xoxo ya.

2010-06-22T16:11:00.000+08:00

I DON'T LIKE YOU AND I HOPE YOU CAN SENSE IT.